i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
