...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
