it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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