he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
