Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
