I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
