i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Drake has all the answers
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
