My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
