Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
