Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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