Porn is love you can see.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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