hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Randomize
