When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
