This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
