You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
