Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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