He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
