maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
