U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
