I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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