was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
