my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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