Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
