I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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