Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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