I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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