Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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