Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
