Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
