Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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