sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
