she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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