I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
