i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
