She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
