I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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