I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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