I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
