look no pants
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
