im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
