Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
