dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
