im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
