Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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