Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
