i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
