i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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