in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
