he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
