when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
